Monday, 6 July 2015

Overweight frumpy mom

It's no secret that since having my kids, I've struggled with my weight. Recently, I've reached my breaking point. Nothing I did was working. I've tried eating more, eating less, exercising more, exercising less, doing every combination of these four things simultaneously. I've done paleo, WeightWatchers, Visalus, Shakeology and most recently, Banting. I'll lose 10 lbs but within a few days its back on.

I have been miserable and it shows. I don't wear my nice clothes. Thinking about wearing them hurts. I need my yoga pants and loose tops because ya know, nothing makes you look thinner than a baggy t-shirt! Makeup is a chore for me. Anything besides a bun and a headband on top of my head makes me want to die.

Until today.

I feel like I've had a revelation. I discovered a video of a girl who's name is Loey Lane (Instagram: LoeyBug). This girl is beautiful and loves to wear bikinis. She is also plus-sized. Ladies like Tara-Lynn and Ashley Graham (Instagram: TheAshleyGraham) have also opened my eyes. They are all stunning, confident. Aside from being plus-sized, these ladies always look so put together!

I've decided that rather than making myself feel guilty about eating that burger. Shaming myself for eating that pasta or sitting on my ass at home and watching a movie, I'm just going to take care of myself. I went out and bought some new, non-frumpy clothes and even just that little tiny thing made my outlook so much brighter. I have a plan and while I mostly have always stuck to it, sometimes I need a reminder and a little push in the right direction. Fuck it. I'm fat but I can still feel good about myself. What does the size of my ass or the number on the scale have to do with who I am anyways?

I'll share with you things that make me feel good about myself:
  • Shaving my legs and stuff. Everyday. Your armpits are no excuse. There is no reason to let these puppies get away from you. That's gross. Your legs? Meh... Maybe every other day, unless you're really hairy. Same goes for the... you know. If you don't wax it all, or if you're kind of in-between, clean that shit up. Even when your belly hangs over it and you haven't seen it in years, just knowing it looks nice will make you feel better about yourself.
  • Exfoliate! There is no better feeling than exfoliating your entire body. Your skin looks and feels amazing (Especially now that you've finally shaved your legs). I use Rocky Mountain Soap Coconut Revitalizing Facial scrub and some exfoliating gloves I bought at Dollarama.
  • Moisturize! With your freshly shaven and exfoliated skin, your body will feel like lubricated dolphins in a tub of butter. It's amazing! If you're like me and are too lazy to rub lotion on after your bath or shower, wait for 10 minutes and then get dressed (Because if we're really honest, we didn't become overweight for actually putting any effort into ourselves), buy a giant bottle of baby oil and squirt that shit right into the bathtub. Marinate in it for a bit. If you're a shower type guy, just squirt that all over yourself when you turn off the water. When you get out you just dry yourself off and a way you go.
  •   Hair and makeup. Say what you want about conforming to beauty standards and whatever but no one can deny that they feel great when their hair is clean, dried and hell, even styled and they are wearing at least one coat of mascara. There is even a lazy gals way out of this too. Eyelash extensions. You can literally lay on a bed and have someone apply them for you while you nap. Repeat every 2 weeks!
  • Lastly, wearing that damn dress and the sexy panties! Sure, you bought them last year when you were dating that guy and getting laid however now they're sitting in the drawer, neatly folded and collecting dust (Just like your vagina because you're feeling too shitty about yourself to actually go out and get some... at least you were until this morning when you shaved your legs for the first time in 8 months)... Or you're married like me. You know they are hot and that your ass looks great in them and the matching bra. Throw on that dress -that's-been-sitting-there-for-who-knows-how-long-because-you-think-it-looks-too-formal-and-people-will-wonder-why-you're-all-dressed-up-because-they're-so-used-to-seeing-you-in-your-yoga-pants-and-baggy-t-shirt too. Its just going to waste sitting there. Who cares if you're going to Wal-Mart or just sitting around the house. Fuck it. You'll look great and if that fails, take a goddamn selfie. Post that shit on Facebook and when all of your friends and family tell you how beautiful you look, listen to them. Don't analyze it when Sheryl from book club says, "You look great! What have you been doing?" Just accept it.
I know that taking care of yourself is tough. Especially when you're a mom. You put your kids and husband first with everything however, your health and your outlook on life affects them as much as it does you. There is nothing scarier than watching your 10 year old daughter try to cover herself in her bathing suit because she is insecure with her body, a trait she learned from you.

In the meantime, if you don't feel like doing any of these things and are completely satisfied with yourself, do me a favor? Never change! Oh, and also get a t-shirt that says "Fuck your beauty standards".

 I like that shit...

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