I was sad.
I'm still sad, however...
His passing has opened my eyes in a way.
He was such a good friend. He had his faults, like all of us, but ultimately, I've never known someone who wanted to so badly to be good. He'd stay up late with you just chatting if you were bored or if you made a comment on Facebook that he deemed somewhat negative, he'd be the first to send you a message, asking if everything was ok. He struggled with social anxiety but he'd be damned if he didn't at least try to hang out with the crowd once in a while. He loved his friends and family and it disappointed him to no end when he thought he'd upset or hurt them.
The day we found out that he was gone, all of our old gang reconnected in a huge group message on Facebook and it made me realize that regardless of how much time has passed, what goings-on have happened in your life, or how much you've spoken over the last few years, real friends are there. They always are. You can pick up with each other as if a single days hasn't passed since you'd last hung out. I'm not sure if I'm a minority here when I say that my friends in particular are amazing at this. I live on the other side of the country from the ones I grew up with. We are from a small community (Shea Heights, St. John's, Newfoundland) that prides itself not only on our rough and tough reputation, but on your ability to help each other out in times of needs. When a house burns down, Shea Heights residents chip in and help the family rebuild. There are dances and bottle drives and fundraisers All. The. Time. For Matt alone, a gofundme account was set up to help his family out with the funeral costs and whatnot and they raised nearly $15, 500 in two days! I think that maybe because of the people my friends were raised with, the need to reach out and help people who need it, or to just be a decent person is strong.
It sucks being this far away from everyone and I find that in the bigger cities, its harder to make lasting friendships. Despite that, I realize now that there really is no excuse for losing contact with the people who matter most to you. It takes three seconds to text someone and say, "How are you doing?" I HATE talking on the phone but that shouldn't stop me from reaching out. Matt helped me, and a few of his other friends with that. Assuming that someone is ok, confident or happy is selfish. Tell people you love them. Your friends, your family, your husband, your wife... They all need to hear it.
I'm lucky enough to be surrounded with people who do this.
With that being said, those of you who are reading this, Thank you. For being my friend and for caring about me. For reaching out when you think I am down or sick. And simply for making me laugh and asking about my day, my books, my kids and husband. You're my whole world and I love you all.
Especially Niki... who encouraged me to write this today. I lalalalove you Lola. ;)