Why you DON'T want to write romance/ adult novels.

My favorite books always include a boy and a girl, a few good 'love' scenes and a happy ending (Not that kind...) where none of the main characters die. I love getting whisked away into this other world where I can have all the feels of a new relationship, of falling in love, being flirted with, seduced without having to feel guilty about cheating on my husband.

When I decided to start writing, romance was the obvious choice. You write what you know, right? Altering Authority had been kind of an on-going daydream for me. I was proud of its twists and turns and thought, this would make a great book. And so I did! I spent MONTHS doing jot notes, writing, editing, re-reading, stressing over characters, losing characters, adding characters, thinking of the perfect love scenes. Those are the parts that draw you in! I read even more books, gained knowledge on how they presented their 'sexy parts' (giggidy). My life was this story. I was so wrapped up in getting it finished, writing those amazing scenes that gave me butterflies. I didn't think of anything else besides the end product. Once it was written, I wrapped myself up in publishing. That became my world, until it happened.

Everyone was so proud. My friends were calling and congratulating me. My neighbors and family were sending flowers. It was amazing... Until they asked to read it.

My mom, who, despite having two grandchildren from me and knowing I've been with my husband for sixteen years still thinks I'm a virgin. My Muslim neighbor who thinks hugging your partner in public is risqué. The moms of the kids I look after before and after school, my great aunts and my husbands grandmother who'd worked in a convent up until retirement, all want to read my book. My book that is about prostitutes, strippers, bikers. My book with... how do I put this because I KNOW these people will also read this blog post(?) ...We will just call it 'Australian kissing scenes'. My daughters best friends mother, whom is thee sweetest lady you'll ever meet, texted me last night to tell me she ordered my book.

Sigh. How do I tell them that my book is NOT autobiographical? How many times do I have to assure them that those parts are NOT based on real life events, How many times do I have to assure them that I'm not a pervert but that I just read, a lot, before I'm comfortable with them reading it?

I'm pretty sure the answer is never. I should have gone with a male pen name. How does Mike Litoris Sound? Jack Mehoof? Ben Mehover?

I'm giving up.

Since starting the process of having Altering Authority published, I swear I've gained at least twenty pounds. I can spend literally ALL DAY reading articles about publishing, promoting, marketing, blog tours, book tours, book launches... There is no end to the plethora of self-publishing links.

I've tried all of them. Even this blog is a recommendation from one of the 837,482,374,893,789 websites I have visited about marketing. And yes, I did just smash my face on the keyboard to come up with that number.

I'm exhausted.

No two websites have the same information. There is no one way to sell a book. People are lazy and don't have the patience or time to scroll through Google+ all day long reading articles about why they should read your novel. When was the last time you did? Have you ever searched 'Giveaway' on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook? More so, have you ever won?

There's my point.

The minute you publish, your one book will tumble, brightly at first and then gradually dimmer and dimmer, into the vast universe that is the internet along with the 600,000 to 1,000,000 other copies that are produced EVERYDAY! And that's just in the U.S.!

However, each new book you publish falls into this universe as well, where they meet up with the others like them, that have your name scrawled on the front cover in an expensive font that you paid for online, and their light grows and grows until your name is shining brightly like Nora Roberts, James Patterson, Philippa Gregory and Christine Feehan.

These people have dozens of books under their names! They are bound to be recognized at some point. The fact that they can actually write is an even bigger reason why they are where they are. They've had lots of practice. They've struggled like me and I assure you, when they started writing, the term 'social media' didn't exist.

That being said, I think I will take a break from stressing out over the things I'm forgetting or the things the blogs tell me to do that I just really really don't want to. I'll put my energy into book two, book three...

... and then hopefully...

Promoting my new little baby story in a sea of bigger, more popular stories who all have lots of friends and contacts... The struggle is real.

New Author...The struggle is real.

I've imagined publishers emailing me, begging me to come over to their side. My neighbors and other members of my community recognizing me as I walk my kid to school, "Aren't you that new author of that amazing book?". I've dreamt of movie deals and one million likes on my Facebook page. Rags to riches stories like Amanda Hockings.

My book has been out for two months and the first couple of weeks I was on a high. I was selling EVERYDAY. I promoted it very little, aside from the occasional post on Facebook for friends and family to see. Reviews came in (All 5 stars) and I was so proud, elated that people saw in my story, everything I did. It REALLY is a great story!

Then I realized that the only people who knew about my book were the people on my Facebook feed. The majority of people buying, were these same people. I branched out to my community's page and with shaking hands, put myself out there. My catholic, church-going neighbors now knew that I wrote a book containing bikers, gangs, prostitutes and sex.

Still, things were slowing down. I started hash tagging everything on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest. I started a giveaway on Goodreads and on my Publishing Facebook page, I created my own website, read dozens of articles about self-marketing and promoting for new authors on Pinterest and aside from a few likes, still nothing, which leads me to believe that, while social media is the best source for promoting an indie author such as myself, my outlets lie elsewhere.

How do you promote yourself in a world where ANYONE can publish a book? Where there are probably thousands of people who, like me, feel like their story is the best? Where everyone else has been promoting for a thousand years and have written thirty trillion stories and have guest spots regularly on blogs with a bazillion followers?

Did you know there are best selling adult stories out there about Sasquatch (Sasquatches?) and having sex with a bear?! These have won awards(!) and while I'm sure they've been remarkably written, I'm sure the audience for them is far less than the audience who like a good, human love story. I could be wrong though...

I haven't figured it out yet. I'm hoping that one day I will look back at this post and think about how naïve I was but for now, I'll just keep doing what I love most, writing.